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I lie in bed and imagine strong arms wrapping around my waist. I smile dreamily at the thought, wishing that I had someone to hold me and love me. Along with the arms, a body is imagined, but a blank body, no distintive features.

"SAMANTHA! Get up!" I hear my mother yelling, interupting my day dream. I roll over and glance at the clock. 6:55. Ugh. Almost time for school. Slowly, I make my way out of bed. I grab a pair of too big blue jeans and a T-shirt. Feeling slightly self-concicous about the shirt and it's tight factor, I put on a hoodie and zip it up half way.

Who am I kidding? I ask myself on the way to the bathroom as I remember my day dream. I sigh and begin to brush my hair, wondering who could ever see something in me. I consider putting on a little eye liner but I decide against it because there will not be anyone special to see me at school and because of the time. My ride will be here any minute. I run down the stairs with a quick "Good morning" to my older brother, Matt, as I pass him.Right as I reach the bottem of the stairs, the phone rings.And sure enough it's my ride. I answer it. "Hey Nikki."

"Hi Sam. I'm at the end of your street," Nikki says coolly.

"Okay. I'll see you in a minute," I reply as I quickly grab my blue platform tennis shoes.

"Alright. Bye," comes Nikki's voice from the phone. We hang up and I slide my shoes on without bothering to tie them. I grab my back pack and purse and look out the window. Nikki is pulling up in her dark red Jeep Liberty.

"I'm leaving! Bye!" I yell as I open the door.

"Bye!" I hear my mom cheerfully yell back as I close the door. I jog over to the Jeep and climb in.

"Hey Nik," I say in what people think as my normal happy tone but is really a cover up for how I'm feeling.

"Hey," she says as she starts to drive off.

"How are you?" I ask politely as I set my bookbag and purse on my feet.

"I'm good," Nikki replies automatically. "What about you?"

"I'm alright." I'm still using the cover up voice. I look at Nikki's outfit. Low-rise descructed with a fairly tight black T-shirt with the name of a local rock band on it and a pair of black and green Vans, a type of skater shoes. I wish that I look as good as she looks. I fit only one size bigger than she does, But I hate my weight so I wear clothes that are too big to hide my body.

Nikkie and I arrive at school at about 7:15, which is too early to go to our lockers or classes unless we have the permission from a teacher. We walk to the back of the cafeteria where two of my other friends are sitting.

"Hey guys," I say to Amy and Lizzi as I sit down. Lizzi nods at me, grabs her stuff and walks to a nearby table with Nikki to talk to some of their other friends.

"Yo Sam!" Amy says. She reaches into her bag. "Check this out!" She puls out a few Prom dress catalogs. "Mike calls this the 'easy access dress.' "  She starts to flip through one of the catalogs. I watch her quickly turn the pages and I softly laugh at her. Our goth friend Brian, a senior at the career center, sits down next to Amy right as she points to a picture of a girl in a gold dress. "There," she says. the dress has a slit going up the dress along the model's leg. The slit went almost all the way up the skirt part of the dress.

"What a whore," I state staring at the picture, secretly wishing I looked like her. I grab one of the catalogs and start to look through it. I look at the models in the catalog and wonder if I will ever be as beautiful as them.

"Are you going to prom?" Amy asks Brian.

"Well, yeah," Brian says. "It's my senior prom. I have to go. But I'll prolly go stag."

"Yeah me too," says Amy. I smile to myself.

"You two should go together," I say. I'm only a sophmore so I won't be going. Amy is a junior.

Lunch time comes and I set my books on the table next to Lizzi's.

"Hey!" I call to Nikki and Amy as I sit down and they head over.

"Hi," says Amy as she lays her books down in front of her usual seat. She and Nikki glance over at the lunch line where Lizzi is close to the front of it. "Can I have your cookie?"

"Sure," I say thinking of all that fat. Nikki and Amy go and stand with Lizzi in the lunch line. I get up and sit down at another table with some friends, Melanie and Sarah. I talk to them for a few minutes and I see my lunch table coming past. I go and sit down with Lizzi, Nikki, Amy.

Amy picks up her M&M cooki and says, "Make sure you get M&M. There's M&M and peanut butter up there." I agree and notice the line is almost gone. I get up and nod to Sarah and Melanie. Sarah gets up and together we walk through the line. We don't talk, just walk. I make my way through the line, making sure to get an M&M cookie for Amy. Sarah goes to her table and I go to mine. I sit down and Amy holds her hand out. I hand her the cookie and think, There is so much fat in that. How can she not care? I shudder slightly and start poking at my fries.

"Sam, can I have a nugget?" I feel disgusted and hope it doesn't show on my face. More?! How the hell can she eat so much?

"Go for it," I say and slide ny tray toawrds her, feeling slightly nausous. I toss her the fruit cup as well. Amy takes all the chicken nuggets, realizing that I don't want them, and slides the tray back to me. I start playing with my fries again.

Liz looks at me. "Sam, why aren't you eating?"

Bit nosy. "I had a big breakfast and I'm still full," I lie. Truthfully it is because I had eaten so much yesterday, I can't bare the thought of more fat in my body. I smile and try to look sincere.

"Okay," she says still looking at me. I stick my tongue out and throw a french frie at her, which hits her cheek.

"I win!" I yell and throw my hands up. That's when I notice the most gorgeous guy. His shaggy, ear length, dark hair has fallen in his face and he hasn't pushed it away yet. He sin't skrawny nor fat. He's built, obviously he works out. He is wearing a black His Infernal Majesty, one of my favorite bands, concert T-shirt. My breath is taken from the one look at him. My eyes follow him as he walks past. As if he knows I'm looking, he turns his head and looks in my general area.

"His name's Zeik," I hear Nikki's voice say.

"What?" I say looking back at Nikki.

"He's in my English class. Today is his first day." Nikki smiles mischieviously. "He's weird. You two would be perfect together." She, Lizzi, and Amy laugh but laugh even harder when I set Nikki's cake on her head. The cake falls and rolls down her back.

"Ooooh! You are so dead!" Nikki's pop is poured down the front of me. We are all laughing ourselves to tears. I grab Lizzi's drink. I hear he start to yell at me but her laughter takes over once I splash the liquid on Nikki. We all try to stop laughing which makes us laugh harder.

Nikki and I go to the girl's locker room. She's a cheerleader, so she keeps extra clothes in her locker. Nikki tosses me a shirt that fits tightly around my stomach. Since my hoodie has food on it, I can't wear it over top of the shirt. I feel so fat. I go through the day, sucking in my stomach abd keeping my arms in front of me, trying to cover my fat.

Nikki has to stay after school for cheerleading, so she can't give me a ride home. I see it as a good oppurtunity to go to the gym. I borrow a pair of Nikki's sweatpants. I walk the three blocks to the rec center, stopping at a store and buying two more shirts.

Once arriving at the rec center, I change. The first thing I do is about fifty sit-ups. I go to the treadmill, next. Soon after I turn it on, a step-aerobics class enters.

Step-aerobics sounds like fun, I think as walk over to the instructor.

"How much does this class cost?" I ask, hoping, it's fairly cheap.

"Nothing. It's a free class offered by the rec center," I am told. "Would you like to join?"

"Sure," I say without really thinking.

"I'm Gabrielle," the instructor says as she extends her hand.

"I'm Sam," I say and shake her hand.

"Well Sam, we come every Thursday at 3:30. Don't feel like you have to come to every workout, though. Come when you feel like it." Gabrielle gives me a warm smile. "We're about to start so grab a step and go with the others. I take a spot in the back next to some guy. He introduces himself as Brandon. B

randon is very femine and I assume he's gay, which doesn't bother me.

The class starts out slowly. We just step on and off our steps. Then we start to do other things. Quickly.It's hard to keep up. I stop once the moves get too hard. I just stand there, drinking water and wondering how they all keep up. Finally the class ends and Brandon turns to me.

"You did good for your first time," Brandon says as he gets ready to leave.

"Thanks," I say. I work out for a while longer after everyone leaves. When I leave, I notice it is already dark. I live across town, so I walk quickly in order to get home sooner. I think of how many calories are being burned. Not nearly enough. I think.

I notice my dad's car isn't in the driveway when I get home. Good he must be working late. Matt's and Mom's cars are also gone. Matt is probably at his girlfriends and Mom is at work.

When I go inside, I go straight to the kitchen. I wash all the dirty dishes in the sink so that no one will notoce no dirty dishes from me. I go to my bedroom and toss my stuff on my bed, then log online.

"DUDE!!! where have u been?" I get an IM before I am even done looking at who is online. The IM is from my friend, Ania, who goes to a near by school.

"School then the gym..." I type back.

"y?"

"Why did I go to school? Because I have to."

"u no wut i mean yd u go 2 the gym u never go"

"I just felt like it. Ok?" We continue to talk about school and such. Ania aren't as close as she thinks we are. I hold back so much from her, from everyone.

Without thinking I get offline and run downstairs to the kitchen. Knowing no one will be home fora while, I quickly make a couple of hot dogs in the microwave. I am sure to use paper towels because I have already done the dishes. Before going back upstairs, I grab the box of Cheese-its. Once in my room, I set the food on the table next to my bed and then croutch down on the floor and pull out a box of Oreos and a bag of Cheetos. I lay these on my bed and sit next to them.